Priscilla and I just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary this past Tuesday. I guess we aren’t newly weds anymore? Here are just some thoughts as I reflected on our past two years together. These come from both year 1 and 2 since they went by so fast. Plus, these are things I’m learning again and again.
1. Don’t be afraid of the crazy. When we’re dating, we have such an idealized view of the other person that it’s quite a shock when we see a different side of someone when you get closer. This is actually a good sign, evidence that your relationship is growing in intimacy. We typically hide our craziness away from people and put on our happy face. It’s not until we enter into a safe relationship will we allow some of that to come out. And it needs to eventually come out for God to transform those areas.
2. I need to be intentional about spending time with her. Just because I see her everyday doesn’t mean we automatically have meaningful interactions. We can go through the whole day without sharing anything significant. I’m learning that my default after getting back from work is vege mode. But that is not being loving to my wife, who is looking for a deeper connection. Also, you still need to go on dates after you get married!
3. Sometimes she just wants me to listen. Guys tend to want to fix things. She doesn’t always want solutions, but just for me to listen and validate how she is feeling.
4. Marriage is not so much about our happiness, but about our holiness. One of the goals of being a Christian is to become like Christ. Living with someone with this kind of intimacy uncovers many different areas that I still need to grow in. One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books on marriage (Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas) is: “If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there’s no question–stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise” (pg. 21).
5. Be quick to apologize. Sometimes we want to hold on to our anger, especially when we think we have been wronged. But a hardened heart doesn’t make the situation better. Usually both sides are at fault, and things can be resolved faster if both are willing to be humble before the Lord and before each other.
6. Don’t be an island. It’s tempting after marriage to just disappear off into our own world and neglect our other relationships. God’s design for marriage isn’t just for it to be enjoyed by ourselves, but for it to be a picture of the love of Christ for the church. Plus, we need to support of the church to stay strong until the end. Thank you to all who have been a part of our marriage and have prayed for and supported us along the way.
Hope you find these helpful. Priscilla thank you for putting up with me!
What are some things that you have learned from your relationships?